Mister Black and Miss White
Black speaks solemnly, his brows furrowed deep, always in contemplation. Eyes shut most of the time, his breath is heavy. He places his nicotine stained fingers to his pursed lips. He doesn't like to look up, choosing rather to hide behind his curtain of front locks. Black is always constant, full of resolute and conviction. He is comfortable with his solitude. White is quite attracted to black. She tries to reach him but Black always managed to elude her touch and her gaze. She finds it seductive. Sometimes, maybe, he slips and becomes weak and he wonders about white. Often he feels that it is unfair that other colours think he cannot be happy being who he is. He tells white, here, sit here in the shadows with me, its calm and you can just be. There is no effort.
After The Music
Black speaks solemnly, his brows furrowed deep, always in contemplation. Eyes shut most of the time, his breath is heavy. He places his nicotine stained fingers to his pursed lips. He doesn't like to look up, choosing rather to hide behind his curtain of front locks. Black is always constant, full of resolute and conviction. He is comfortable with his solitude. White is quite attracted to black. She tries to reach him but Black always managed to elude her touch and her gaze. She finds it seductive. Sometimes, maybe, he slips and becomes weak and he wonders about white. Often he feels that it is unfair that other colours think he cannot be happy being who he is. He tells white, here, sit here in the shadows with me, its calm and you can just be. There is no effort.
After The Music
After the music has died down
face to face i come to myself, stillness no sound.
shaking with fear, doubt and confusion
afraid of what i will find, what i had behind,
the person i have shut off was me,
so blinded with wait and expectations,
i could not see.
sounds of comfort and love i chose to ignore
thoughts of hurt and pain instead to explore
the choices i made were for a good reason
self doubt made my cause looked like acts of treason.
no matter which way i run, i just cannot hide
conscience battles against pride
like sailboats raging against the grain of a tide
tears of regret of how i let myself become
nearly at the cost of ones i love and then some
yet they stood by and believed in me
like birds seeking shelter on an old weary tree.
how precious! the sound, a peace of mind;
silence sits with me now, gentle;
away from the hustle and bustle,
after the last note has settle...
shaking with fear, doubt and confusion
afraid of what i will find, what i had behind,
the person i have shut off was me,
so blinded with wait and expectations,
i could not see.
sounds of comfort and love i chose to ignore
thoughts of hurt and pain instead to explore
the choices i made were for a good reason
self doubt made my cause looked like acts of treason.
no matter which way i run, i just cannot hide
conscience battles against pride
like sailboats raging against the grain of a tide
tears of regret of how i let myself become
nearly at the cost of ones i love and then some
yet they stood by and believed in me
like birds seeking shelter on an old weary tree.
how precious! the sound, a peace of mind;
silence sits with me now, gentle;
away from the hustle and bustle,
after the last note has settle...
Colonel Chew
mike is my rock
boy he could talk!
he could charm his way with his hehe's
and he is good with the doggies
mike is my rock
he is my strongest support
he stood by me even when i was being a b*tch
he had to replace a windscreen, ducked chicken rice,
but in all my tantrums, he remained wise.
mike is my rock
he is called chew eng hock
in chinese he's zhou rong fu
but don't play play, he is no fool.
mike is a rock
you can count on him when you're on the rocks
he is as sturdy as his wide shoulder bones
his voice is soft and there's no sarcasm in his tone.
mike will not hesitate to tell you to take a hike
if you make fun of his green rusty bike
dont park your car anyhow in front of his home
he is a giant rock that will spew stone.
i thank you mike
you will always be someone i like
you will always be my bestest mate
i will never ever spoil your date
you have helped me fulfill some of my dreams
and rescue me away from my mom's screams
together we have made a great kick ass team
i am trying to end this line sound with an eam
i truly wish you well in your future
i will always be your bestest mate too, that's for sure
i pray that someday you will find your own green pasture
find true love, the greatest healer, your cure.
boy he could talk!
he could charm his way with his hehe's
and he is good with the doggies
mike is my rock
he is my strongest support
he stood by me even when i was being a b*tch
he had to replace a windscreen, ducked chicken rice,
but in all my tantrums, he remained wise.
mike is my rock
he is called chew eng hock
in chinese he's zhou rong fu
but don't play play, he is no fool.
mike is a rock
you can count on him when you're on the rocks
he is as sturdy as his wide shoulder bones
his voice is soft and there's no sarcasm in his tone.
mike will not hesitate to tell you to take a hike
if you make fun of his green rusty bike
dont park your car anyhow in front of his home
he is a giant rock that will spew stone.
i thank you mike
you will always be someone i like
you will always be my bestest mate
i will never ever spoil your date
you have helped me fulfill some of my dreams
and rescue me away from my mom's screams
together we have made a great kick ass team
i am trying to end this line sound with an eam
i truly wish you well in your future
i will always be your bestest mate too, that's for sure
i pray that someday you will find your own green pasture
find true love, the greatest healer, your cure.
The Exorcism of Mom's Doll - October 15 2008
Ma, you think you don't scare me anymore
but my blood curdles whenever i hear a slammed door
i can't open my mouth to talk without recognising your own voice
i rather shut up then tell others about their own vice.
Ma, you thought that all will be well and forgotten when you asked for my forgiveness
i forgave you just because you made me think it was part my own fault
that you had that sickness.
I gave you money and more to pay for my peace
but that's just because you would only leave me alone until i give you a piece.
You punished me for being rebellious, for not talking and talking back
By letting me eat (or not) cold left over food, i'm 34 and i still have flashbacks.
You nearly killed my love for art, i had to secretly doodle if i have any luck.
You'd cut off the tv to show me you're in control
it made me so furious i'd rather smash the tv to show you i don't like to be told.
I will always remember the night before my wedding
you said something that hurt me so much, i cried silently in my bed without anyone knowing.
You frighten me with your taunts of God punishments
sometimes i wonder if we're of the same religion
you'd poison my mind with your imaginings of pa cheating on you,
it took away my trust of everyone around me, my friends but a few.
at such a young age, you exposed me of your violence
i'd turn into a monster if my partner were to retort me with a sentence.
i'd find solace in taking up guitar and you told me it was useless
but it was hilarious that later you'd ask me to teach you to play for your church for less.
i will always remember you threw my things on the landing of our void deck
i came home in shock and tears and picked them up and still get your peck.
would you believe that i still feel fear everytime now i come home and check.
you questioned why i never thanked you on my wedding night
i can answer now that the way you brought me up was not right
how can i defend myself those times without putting up a fight?
i nearly sold myself out and one of the reason is to get you out of my sight.
ma, oh my ma.
please don't be sad that i think of you like that
you reap what you sow, its really your fault that i write about you with such upset
time does not really heal the hurt you have done to me
but i cannot expect you to go down on your knees, cry and plea.
for you are my mother;
maybe its really my fault that i turn out to be the first daughter.
or could it be i am not the first son which you sought after...
but my blood curdles whenever i hear a slammed door
i can't open my mouth to talk without recognising your own voice
i rather shut up then tell others about their own vice.
Ma, you thought that all will be well and forgotten when you asked for my forgiveness
i forgave you just because you made me think it was part my own fault
that you had that sickness.
I gave you money and more to pay for my peace
but that's just because you would only leave me alone until i give you a piece.
You punished me for being rebellious, for not talking and talking back
By letting me eat (or not) cold left over food, i'm 34 and i still have flashbacks.
You nearly killed my love for art, i had to secretly doodle if i have any luck.
You'd cut off the tv to show me you're in control
it made me so furious i'd rather smash the tv to show you i don't like to be told.
I will always remember the night before my wedding
you said something that hurt me so much, i cried silently in my bed without anyone knowing.
You frighten me with your taunts of God punishments
sometimes i wonder if we're of the same religion
you'd poison my mind with your imaginings of pa cheating on you,
it took away my trust of everyone around me, my friends but a few.
at such a young age, you exposed me of your violence
i'd turn into a monster if my partner were to retort me with a sentence.
i'd find solace in taking up guitar and you told me it was useless
but it was hilarious that later you'd ask me to teach you to play for your church for less.
i will always remember you threw my things on the landing of our void deck
i came home in shock and tears and picked them up and still get your peck.
would you believe that i still feel fear everytime now i come home and check.
you questioned why i never thanked you on my wedding night
i can answer now that the way you brought me up was not right
how can i defend myself those times without putting up a fight?
i nearly sold myself out and one of the reason is to get you out of my sight.
ma, oh my ma.
please don't be sad that i think of you like that
you reap what you sow, its really your fault that i write about you with such upset
time does not really heal the hurt you have done to me
but i cannot expect you to go down on your knees, cry and plea.
for you are my mother;
maybe its really my fault that i turn out to be the first daughter.
or could it be i am not the first son which you sought after...
A Gem That I've Found
i love. a girl who runs late after trains
and sleeps past her station
two hours ahead and two hours behind
we are never kept apart by time
i love. a girl whose eyes are crystal clear blue
and if you look longer, they bring out the truth in you
sometimes they will look scared and black,
that's when i know the demons are back
her smile frames her weary face aged with sadness and a tragedy
and of loss
her scars tell tales of anguish and desperate cry release for freedom;
but through her battles, there shines glorious, her wisdom
i love. a girl who writes heart wrenching poems and draws perfect triangles;
she loves her breakfast of bananas and cereals;
her musical soul belongs to the woodstock era of free concerts and free love;
and if you put on the michael's she dances like there's no tomorrow
i love. a girl she adorned my hope with pretty twirls and curls
and a single leaf;
she promises, she will always love and never leave
i love. a girl with such will, fight and insight
she picks dull looking rocks and showed me their embedded beauty;
she herself is anything but ordinary;
she is the rarest of rock, a gem that i've found;
the type that kings and queens should set in their crowns.
Tide
the tide rose , a futile resistance
searing; streams; coaxing she visits again
tugging at the strings , she knows now by heart that weary tune
the same old broken notes, at the end a refrain
cry a silent why
he's quiet as usual, does not reply
came a draft
could be his sigh
drenched; the last drop.
a lingering remnant for tomorrow
Still
i love. a girl who runs late after trains
and sleeps past her station
two hours ahead and two hours behind
we are never kept apart by time
i love. a girl whose eyes are crystal clear blue
and if you look longer, they bring out the truth in you
sometimes they will look scared and black,
that's when i know the demons are back
her smile frames her weary face aged with sadness and a tragedy
and of loss
her scars tell tales of anguish and desperate cry release for freedom;
but through her battles, there shines glorious, her wisdom
i love. a girl who writes heart wrenching poems and draws perfect triangles;
she loves her breakfast of bananas and cereals;
her musical soul belongs to the woodstock era of free concerts and free love;
and if you put on the michael's she dances like there's no tomorrow
i love. a girl she adorned my hope with pretty twirls and curls
and a single leaf;
she promises, she will always love and never leave
i love. a girl with such will, fight and insight
she picks dull looking rocks and showed me their embedded beauty;
she herself is anything but ordinary;
she is the rarest of rock, a gem that i've found;
the type that kings and queens should set in their crowns.
Tide
the tide rose , a futile resistance
searing; streams; coaxing she visits again
tugging at the strings , she knows now by heart that weary tune
the same old broken notes, at the end a refrain
cry a silent why
he's quiet as usual, does not reply
came a draft
could be his sigh
drenched; the last drop.
a lingering remnant for tomorrow
Still
warm teacup glowed against my chest,
as i stand in the cold whiteness chill
black cat sits still
last nights pill
kept me numb until;
my lover's message had me filled.
Mom's Doll
put on the pretty dress i made for you,
turn round and round and round;
let me perm your boring hair;
to show you that i really care!
quick! quick! your daddy's back!
let's close the door and all be cold;
just to show that i'm really bold;
till your daddy hits the sack!
hit! hit! you can't do that!
my cane is thick and it is fat!
and you can't eat your dinner;
till you come crawling back!
Slam! Bang! the noise is loud;
all of a sudden, the house hangs a dark cloud;
just when before the silence;
suddenly all becomes violent.
Study! Study! YOU are lousy!
see all your cousins;
they are way ahead of you;
and you really cost me money!
Money! Money! give me more money!
for without it, the sky ain't sunny!
Come! let us take many photos;
to show we are a happy family;
but wait, your daddy can stay out of it;
just because he is bald and ugly!
NO, NO, you can't do that;
because it's not what i expect;
be who I want you to be;
for you are my first daughter who holds the key!!
Gentle Moon
Your eyelashes flutter against my cheek;
The curves of your smile brushes my lips;
You said its always up to you,
and said so...
made my walls fold.
Gentle moon,
arms wrap around me so tenderly;
you let me fly without fear of falling.
Cradle me safe in my sleep, O Gentle Moon;
as the night draws close and the shadows come soon.
for i will have no fear;
if you cast your soft shine near...
untitled
rain. insane.
pain. inane.
horses mane,
hard to tame;
cold. glow.
skin glisten,
breathe slow and listen.
arms fold,
don't be cold;
even leaves fall,
when trees are tall.
why ask,
which is your mask;
crows give hell;
when turtle loses its shell.
the sink
dirty dishes
dont have to wash, she wishes
yellow,blue,grey china with grease
viscious cycle of washing she hiss
leave it to rot she thinks
pile it up high till they stink
eat from the cans
give it empty to the man
save your detergent commercial
all spruced up to make us feel uncongenial
go back to stone age
eat on leaves
at least
it rots and fertilize
save the earth..Realise!
whatever.f**kever
flickering florescent. flies crashed.
lacquer spilled. fumes filled clouds.
black smudges.white cottons corrupted. smear skin desperate scrub to get clean.
heart stalled revives stalls revives climbing constant want not want not yes no why how.
overturned on back struggle to get right back up to get smash. died. still. thrown with disgust.
rush rush shut the lure of thought. blocked with 50 milligram.
two sirens one calm one alarmed.
night blanket comforts. box dead get to bed.
lose
windows are misty again
the shakes are round the bend
found the ground
but lose the sound
sandcastles;
are meant to crumble
icecream dont stay
on the cone forever
maze like
snake with legs
crows sit;
and wait
crosslines
are like mines
seek seek
dig out the peek
bees sting and die;
the well should stop
to fill that high...
for jesus
o my gentle saviour whom ive been taught to fear
you've been by my side even though i placed you on second tier
im sorry i made so many empty promises to return to you
its just that my worldly desires kept me consumed
you created me so that i can show others your love
your light, your peace bestowed upon me,
a lowly sinner,
even when u sit on your throne above
have no fear for i am near
in my darkest hours, i hold that dear
without your spiritual presence i wouldnt even be here
you listened silently to me in all my tears
i envision us sitting side by side on the soft green meadows
and talk about things you did that kept me in awe
sun rays emitting from behind dark clouds
a single pretty flower growing in the middle of a drought
i pray that you will continue to watch over me
as i carry my cross like you did for the world to see
your mercy and love has no bounds
with that hope and faith, i will be found.
web
heart drags
a fly searches for a safe landing;
to get caught in a web
pain is familiar
hand in hand its constant companion
is fear
complex
hurt is in the texts
keep us all in check
no way out either way
we will be the feed
no matter how we lay
the wait
lying in my cold bed;
as i wait for dawn break;
i recall the many nights
my lips on your soft forehead
sleep does not beckon easy
not without the warmth of your body
waiting;
for the sound of the birds first chirp
waiting;
for the first ray to shine through the window on my bed
i can only find comfort for now;
my eyes pondering over your photographs and
somehow;
slumber slowly lulls...
some women
some women fill their days;
with frantic holidays;
they are travellers;
searching in vain;
for something to balm their pain.
desperate to fill a void;
matters of the heart,
they avoid.
some women look for power;
buried behind papers hour after hour;
fill themselves with false satisfaction;
to find themselves home alone exhausted;
to wake up to another day of routine repeated.
some women gave up their own;
and place their hopes in the futures
of their newborn;
silently, secretly lament
and sigh about their men
can't think of a title
i have been wandering down the empty corridors
and all i could see are closed doors
sitting staring behind the counter, i often wonder
is there more out there?
something greater that i could fare.
i grow fingernails but i often could not keep them
i find myself clenching, digging them deep
in the flesh of my palm
feeling comfortable with the self harm.
like the dead seashells washed up on the shore
day in day out i exist
sometimes not wanting to wake up;
but i persist.
i merge with the busy breathing rush
but my mind is far away, a numb hush
home is a cold mausoleum
in black and white created
there were windows but i kept myself suffocated.
i've been ask often
what are you thinking
i kept quiet
i was sinking.
everyone around me is a mirror
i find the spots familiar;
*the silent masquerade
loud laughing bold parade
i've found the rabbit's hole
if you've no courage, don't go deep i've been told
clots of hurt
must be purge
clouds of fear
make them disappear
all things happen for a reason
there is no punishment
just lessons to be learnt
empathy has to be earned
to make me;
a better person.
This Rain
hurried tourists and tumbling toddlers
wandering vagrants and boisterous buskers
slowed down by this shower of rain
odd workers, mental health seekers
angry mothers and slogging farmers
calmed down by the balm of this rain
struggling painters, forlorn lovers
of passionate minds and burning desire
share but unable to quench from this rain
we are separated but this rain
travels with it your loving gentle reminder
to stay away from this rain
for rain brings life, it brings relief
and most of all, it keeps this lonely heart sane...
black cat sits still
last nights pill
kept me numb until;
my lover's message had me filled.
Mom's Doll
put on the pretty dress i made for you,
turn round and round and round;
let me perm your boring hair;
to show you that i really care!
quick! quick! your daddy's back!
let's close the door and all be cold;
just to show that i'm really bold;
till your daddy hits the sack!
hit! hit! you can't do that!
my cane is thick and it is fat!
and you can't eat your dinner;
till you come crawling back!
Slam! Bang! the noise is loud;
all of a sudden, the house hangs a dark cloud;
just when before the silence;
suddenly all becomes violent.
Study! Study! YOU are lousy!
see all your cousins;
they are way ahead of you;
and you really cost me money!
Money! Money! give me more money!
for without it, the sky ain't sunny!
Come! let us take many photos;
to show we are a happy family;
but wait, your daddy can stay out of it;
just because he is bald and ugly!
NO, NO, you can't do that;
because it's not what i expect;
be who I want you to be;
for you are my first daughter who holds the key!!
Gentle Moon
Your eyelashes flutter against my cheek;
The curves of your smile brushes my lips;
You said its always up to you,
and said so...
made my walls fold.
Gentle moon,
arms wrap around me so tenderly;
you let me fly without fear of falling.
Cradle me safe in my sleep, O Gentle Moon;
as the night draws close and the shadows come soon.
for i will have no fear;
if you cast your soft shine near...
untitled
rain. insane.
pain. inane.
horses mane,
hard to tame;
cold. glow.
skin glisten,
breathe slow and listen.
arms fold,
don't be cold;
even leaves fall,
when trees are tall.
why ask,
which is your mask;
crows give hell;
when turtle loses its shell.
the sink
dirty dishes
dont have to wash, she wishes
yellow,blue,grey china with grease
viscious cycle of washing she hiss
leave it to rot she thinks
pile it up high till they stink
eat from the cans
give it empty to the man
save your detergent commercial
all spruced up to make us feel uncongenial
go back to stone age
eat on leaves
at least
it rots and fertilize
save the earth..Realise!
whatever.f**kever
flickering florescent. flies crashed.
lacquer spilled. fumes filled clouds.
black smudges.white cottons corrupted. smear skin desperate scrub to get clean.
heart stalled revives stalls revives climbing constant want not want not yes no why how.
overturned on back struggle to get right back up to get smash. died. still. thrown with disgust.
rush rush shut the lure of thought. blocked with 50 milligram.
two sirens one calm one alarmed.
night blanket comforts. box dead get to bed.
lose
windows are misty again
the shakes are round the bend
found the ground
but lose the sound
sandcastles;
are meant to crumble
icecream dont stay
on the cone forever
maze like
snake with legs
crows sit;
and wait
crosslines
are like mines
seek seek
dig out the peek
bees sting and die;
the well should stop
to fill that high...
for jesus
o my gentle saviour whom ive been taught to fear
you've been by my side even though i placed you on second tier
im sorry i made so many empty promises to return to you
its just that my worldly desires kept me consumed
you created me so that i can show others your love
your light, your peace bestowed upon me,
a lowly sinner,
even when u sit on your throne above
have no fear for i am near
in my darkest hours, i hold that dear
without your spiritual presence i wouldnt even be here
you listened silently to me in all my tears
i envision us sitting side by side on the soft green meadows
and talk about things you did that kept me in awe
sun rays emitting from behind dark clouds
a single pretty flower growing in the middle of a drought
i pray that you will continue to watch over me
as i carry my cross like you did for the world to see
your mercy and love has no bounds
with that hope and faith, i will be found.
web
heart drags
a fly searches for a safe landing;
to get caught in a web
pain is familiar
hand in hand its constant companion
is fear
complex
hurt is in the texts
keep us all in check
no way out either way
we will be the feed
no matter how we lay
the wait
lying in my cold bed;
as i wait for dawn break;
i recall the many nights
my lips on your soft forehead
sleep does not beckon easy
not without the warmth of your body
waiting;
for the sound of the birds first chirp
waiting;
for the first ray to shine through the window on my bed
i can only find comfort for now;
my eyes pondering over your photographs and
somehow;
slumber slowly lulls...
some women
some women fill their days;
with frantic holidays;
they are travellers;
searching in vain;
for something to balm their pain.
desperate to fill a void;
matters of the heart,
they avoid.
some women look for power;
buried behind papers hour after hour;
fill themselves with false satisfaction;
to find themselves home alone exhausted;
to wake up to another day of routine repeated.
some women gave up their own;
and place their hopes in the futures
of their newborn;
silently, secretly lament
and sigh about their men
can't think of a title
i have been wandering down the empty corridors
and all i could see are closed doors
sitting staring behind the counter, i often wonder
is there more out there?
something greater that i could fare.
i grow fingernails but i often could not keep them
i find myself clenching, digging them deep
in the flesh of my palm
feeling comfortable with the self harm.
like the dead seashells washed up on the shore
day in day out i exist
sometimes not wanting to wake up;
but i persist.
i merge with the busy breathing rush
but my mind is far away, a numb hush
home is a cold mausoleum
in black and white created
there were windows but i kept myself suffocated.
i've been ask often
what are you thinking
i kept quiet
i was sinking.
everyone around me is a mirror
i find the spots familiar;
*the silent masquerade
loud laughing bold parade
i've found the rabbit's hole
if you've no courage, don't go deep i've been told
clots of hurt
must be purge
clouds of fear
make them disappear
all things happen for a reason
there is no punishment
just lessons to be learnt
empathy has to be earned
to make me;
a better person.
This Rain
hurried tourists and tumbling toddlers
wandering vagrants and boisterous buskers
slowed down by this shower of rain
odd workers, mental health seekers
angry mothers and slogging farmers
calmed down by the balm of this rain
struggling painters, forlorn lovers
of passionate minds and burning desire
share but unable to quench from this rain
we are separated but this rain
travels with it your loving gentle reminder
to stay away from this rain
for rain brings life, it brings relief
and most of all, it keeps this lonely heart sane...
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